Yes, David Bowie is playing in my head too. At Least I didn't sing "To everything...turn and turn and turn, there is a season, turn and turn and turn...Nope I would NEVER do that to y'all (hehehehehehe)
Are y'all surprised to see me? I don't blame you. It's as if I had disappeared from the planet or something, right? As most of you know, my husband passed away suddenly in June. I've been in a bit of a tailspin, never having expected to be a widow before I was 45.
The past few months have been hard to be honest. With my husband's loss, we lost the main income, the house, the insurance, and one week after he died, my distraught daughter had a car accident and totaled our car.
Yes, thank you Donica for bringing us all down this way. Come on, you KNOW you thought that, right? Well, I won't lie, the only thing more fun than this emotional roller coaster that I can think of would be a quadruple root canal, and removal of wisdom teeth, at the same time all without benefit of Novocaine. (This is example brought to you by route of a daughter who's wisdom teeth chose NOW to try and break through as well as having two cavities. YAY!)
Sorry, my train of thought derailed. So...right, I was bringing y'all down. Well, lets look at a few positives here: I now own my OWN place, something NO ONE can EVER take away from me--barring an act of God--I was able to decorate it the way I always wanted to. This includes painting a quilt on the master bedroom wall--okay quilt squares. PLUS the curtains, shams, comforter, etc are all in shades of my favorite color, purple!
My grandbabies painted their hand prints all over the office walls and my nephews were given paint, brushes and allowed to let their imaginations unleash on the rest of the office. My daughter splatter painted her room with about 10 different (and not necessarily coordinating colors...) All things my husband would NEVER have allowed.
Thanks to insurance my totaled 1992 car was replaced by one of my dream cars--a 2001 PT Cruiser (yes, I hear the question--who on EARTH dreams of a PT cruiser??? Well I said ONE of my dream cars. The others I can't afford YET)It's a beauty and I was required to assert myself, do all the shopping around and haggling and I PULLED IT OFF!
I was scared to death because I went from being my parents' daughter to a wife. I've NEVER had to balance a check book, pay bills, keep track ANYTHING. Heck, I never had a credit card and even in the final 12 years of our marriage the checking account was in his name only. (Please spare me the gasps of shock--I was THRILLED to be an old fashioned house wife. I LOVED knowing that I didn't have to worry about anything but keeping the house clean, cooking, laundry and raising the kids.) I was SOOO unprepared for this I thought GREAT! I'm not smart enough to do all this. I am learning that I CAN do this on my own. I am smarter than even I ever gave myself credit for. And while occasionally I have found people who talk down to me, for the most part I'm getting a pretty fair shake. Also, thanks to being given "an allowance" for groceries, I've learned how to cut costs and i KNOW that while it may be hard for a while I WILL survive.
I wouldn't say I'm excited about this new phase in my life--after all I'm NOT happy that my husband is gone. I've always been afraid of change, I'm such an OCD creature of habit I've NEVER embraced change. I don't have any choice but to throw my arms open wide and say "Okay! Let's do this!" My confidence wavers occasionally, but for the most part I'm doing GREAT!
When I feel particularly low and like I can't go on, I flip on a song by Cher that helps me out. Here is the video for this song: You Haven't Seen The Last of Me http://youtu.be/EMIrw-Dmanc Yeah, I bet you wondered where this was all leading, didn't you? Admit it, you were wondering!
When I write a book, each "life" has a soundtrack to it. Music is such a DEEP part of my life that I find myself gravitating to music no matter what the occasion. When I'm editing I play Bach, Beethoven and other classical composers at loud decibels to help me get through it. When I'm cleaning house, I play dance music from the 80s. When my husband died I played all his favorite cds until they were nearly worn out. Now that I am moving on to a new stage, I find myself reaching for certain songs. Far Away by Nickleback has become a regular tune. As well as On the Backs of Angels by Dream Theater. A handful of Beyonce songs have added themselves to my play-all-the-time-list. Yes, I do mean "Put a Ring on It" "If I Were a Boy" "Irreplaceable" "Halo" and "Best I Never Had". Coheed and Cambria have snuck their way into my list as well.
Do you ever find yourself searching out that one "feel good" song? Is the re a song that "vents your steam"? Puts you "in the mood"? Or am I just an oddball out because music is so important in my world?
Curious minds want to know!
I thank everyone that has sent me kind words and let me know they've been thinking of me and my family during this transitional phase of my life. It's not always been easy but knowing people care has helped a GREAT deal. So thanks again!
My Internet at the new home will not be hooked up until October 11th and I am shutting off everything at the old residence at the 6th so if y'all drop me a line, just know that I may not get to it right away but please feel free to send it on!
I am planning to get back into the writing swing sometime in November and I hope that the next Four Horsemen novel will not be far behind! Please keep your fingers crossed!
Huggles and I hope y'all have a FABU FALL!